Monday, August 3, 2009

Staying Healthy-I Think

Staying Healthy-I Think
I recently read an article that said eating fish may ward off dementia--- but I forgot where I put it. If I remember correctly though, it pointed to new evidence that a diet rich in fish, could solve the world’s supply of old people in Florida. This is groundbreaking news. Florida is the capital of dementia as evidenced by the recent real estate boom of buying cheap and going into foreclosure.
This study was done on older people in Asia and Latin America in Miami, Florida. This hypothesis was carried out by The National Brotherhood of Crab Fisherman who carried older Asians and Latino’s on long and unproductive fishing expeditions in the North Sea of Cuba. If they survived the trip they got to live. If they didn’t then it would prove that they didn’t eat enough fish and most likely dined on crabs and puked their internal organs up. This study was funded by a grant from The Fool Taxpayers in America Campaign and sanctioned by The World Federation of Wasting More Money Society.
The study proved that 20% of those who consumed more fish got fatter, grew gills and could swim faster than those that didn’t. The 20% increase in consumption spiked fish futures on Wall Street causing wide spread panic among traders. This drove up prices on speculation that 80% of the test subjects haven’t bought fish yet. The other 80% who didn’t consume more fish, bought stocks short, causing a massive sell off. The Obama administration stepped in under the Freedom for Fish Act and appointed a fish czar to oversee the smell on Wall Street.
The article also cited” that those who ate fish nearly every day of the week were almost 20% less likely to develop dementia than those who ate fish a few times a week.” I’m going to have to Forrest Gump you on that one. I’m not a smart man but momma always told me that there wasn’t any difference between “nearly every day and a few times a week.” Higher mathematics these days!
A comparative study done on “red” meat showed that those who ingested mass quantities of steaks were more likely to have dementia. They were more likely to ride in rodeos, drink beer, forget who they were, shoot guns at people, live in Texas and generally not give a crap-ola about eating fish. I’m sure if they just ate meat and not “red” meat their dementia could at least be pro- longed until after the week end was over.
Now, fish will come with a warning label- “eating this product could cause you to never forget anything your mother-in-law says”------ thus sending meat futures in a stampede on Wall Street.

1 comment:

  1. One of the MANY reasons I don't eat fish... Goes right along with the Mercury warnings, bones in the throat... :-)